We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
