You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
