I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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