I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The air taste purple.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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