How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
