This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
