this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
