best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
