i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
