woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
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