Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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