She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize