Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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