I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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