i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
