conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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