i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
