i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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