carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We smell like vodka and hangover
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