I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize