Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
