I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
