Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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