I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
