I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
