Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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