Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I didn't notice because vodka
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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