two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
