Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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