just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
