Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
