Please, let me fuck your mom
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
