i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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