im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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