Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize