Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
