Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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