Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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