i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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