Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
