"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
