Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let the clothes fall where they may.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize