Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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