so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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