hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
