my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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