I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
