Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
