I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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