Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
