This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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