hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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