Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
