from now on my penis is your penis
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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