I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
