Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
