Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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