And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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