I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
