Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
