Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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