How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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