That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
