the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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