Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
