the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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