I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
