i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
