i permit you to call me
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
