There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
