Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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