Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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