Someone shit on the floor
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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