what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Randomize
