Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
