I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
