lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
