apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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