so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
