you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
