she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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